


In My Body, I'm A Disaster

by SlarStarsFanFics



Series: From Tumblr [11]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Everyone else is good too, Gen, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Diego Hargreeves, Good Parent Grace Hargreeves, I made myself sad, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, No Character Death, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Referenced - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Very Luther Friendly, help him, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 22:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20610737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlarStarsFanFics/pseuds/SlarStarsFanFics
Summary: Luther knew that he was his sibling’s least favorite. It was common knowledge. Diego was the rebel, Allison was the the pretty one, Klaus was the jokester, Luther was the Annoying one. Annoying, overbearing, selfish, rude, and mean. That’s what his siblings thought of him.





	In My Body, I'm A Disaster

Luther knew that he was his sibling’s least favorite. It was common knowledge. Diego was the rebel, Allison was the the pretty one, Klaus was the jokester, Luther was the Annoying one. Annoying, overbearing, selfish, rude, and mean. That’s what his siblings thought of him.

He sat in his bathroom, staring at his reflection in the broken mirror. A monster. That’s what Diego had called him. He was right, of course. Daddy’s perfect little soldier never questioned him and that’s how he became a monster. An ugly, hairy, horrible monster.

Shards of glass lay on the counter and floor, long since broken by his fist. He thought of the moon, about how lonely and yet beautiful it was. He may have been lonely, but his family didn’t have to deal with him. He had hurt everyone. Ben died in his arms, Five vanished. He had hurt Vanya.

He picked up a glass shard and pressed it to his skin. They would be better off without him anyways, right?

* * *

“LUTHER! MOM WANTS YOU DOWNSTAIRS!” Diego yelled up the stairs. After getting no answer, he ran up and walked to his door. “LUTHER!”

He turned the door handle, entering his brother’s room. He saw glass and model rockets covering the floor. “Luther?”

Diego picked one of the model rockets up off the floor, then noticed the bathroom door ajar down the hall. He stood up slowly and crept towards the bathroom. He came face to face with a scene out of a horror movie. The sound of shattering wood filled the air as the model rocket fell out of his hand.

“Oh my God.”  
  


* * *

When Diego had called for their help, the other five didn’t expect to find their “eldest” brother lying in a pool of his own blood. Now, Grace was patching up Luther’s self-inflicted wounds, and the other six were sitting, trying their individual bests not to cry.

Vanya leaned on Ben’s shoulder, silent sobs racking her shoulders. Klaus had his face buried in his hands, smudging his eyeliner, and Five was lying on Allison’s lap, eyes tightly shut. Diego sat by himself, staring blankly at his blood-covered hands.

Luther layed on the cot, looking strangely at peace, considering the events taking place. He was breathing softly, mouth ajar, and his siblings took comfort in the rise and fall of his chest. Grace finished wrapping up the last wound, laying a gentle hand on his brow, and let artificial tears slip down her cheeks. What was that saying again? No mother should outlive their child? Grace had lived that before with Ben’s death, and came close with Five. Now she had just narrowly dodged losing another.

By the time Luther’s eyes fluttered open, Five, Vanya, Ben, and Klaus were asleep, leaving Allison and Diego watching over their siblings. His first reaction was panic. _Can’t I do anything right?_ He thought bitterly as He tried ripping the IV out of his arm. Diego’s head snapped up and he rushed to his brother’s aid. “No, no don’t do that! You’re gonna hurt yourself!”

_Thats kind of the point, Diego._ Luther mused, glaring darkly at him. Allison quickly roused the others, who quickly ran to his side. They all sat in a quiet relief, thanking powers that they didn’t believe in for their brother’s quick recovery.

No-one really knew what to say, so they didn’t say anything for a while. Vanya, unable to stand the uncomfortable silence anymore, said softly, “Lu, can I ask you why?”

Luther looked at her, eyes filled with anxiety and dejection. He ran his hand over his face, and sighed deeply. “I- I just….” His eyes filled with tears, and Ben grabbed his hand and held it with a firm, yet ghostlike grip. “You know you can tell us anything, we just wanna help you.”

After a moment, Luther finally spoke up again. “I just, can’t anymore. I’ve done nothing but hurt you, all of you! I hurt Vanya, I locked her up, she needed my help, and I- I wasn’t watching Klaus at that party, and he DIED! Ben died, on my watch! I did so much, and then there was that thing with that woman, and with Dad, I just……” at this point his quiet tears had turned into loud weeping.“Diego was right, I am a monster.” He mumbled through his tears.

“Luther, I was wrong. I was lashing out an-and angry, I’m s-sorry. You’re not a monster! You’re the best brother we could ask for, and we l-love you!”

Allison nodded in agreement. “Before the divorce, all that Claire would talk about is how cool her Uncle Luther was. She would brag to all the kids at her Pre-School that her uncle was a superhero who lived in space. She’s always wante to meet you,”

His family’s statements seemed to make his crying worse. Ben tightened his grip on his hand and said, “Luther, me dying? That wasn’t your fault. It was on me, and I can never thank you enough for being there for me when I died. We all know you love us, and we love you. Never doubt that again.”

Vanya sat on the cot and buried her head into her sobbing brother’s shoulder. One by one, the others joined her. “It’s okay to cry, we’re here for you. We always will be.”

Grace walked in the door, having made hot cocoa for all of her children. She put the tray on the counter and sat beside them. Luther looked at her, tears subsiding, and smiled softly. She returned the smile and kissed his forehead. She roused her children from their group-hug and handed out the cocoa. They all sat in a comfortable silence, still leaning on their brother. They may not be okay now, but they would get there, helping each other through it all.


End file.
